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Read the following student writing sample and answer the questions that follow.
(1) One of my favorite memories from childhood would have to be the time I went to the Renaissance Festival with my Grandfather. (2) My grandfather was a history buff, and he was especially interested in the Renaissance period. (3) So, he had plenty to tell me on the way to the festival. (4) When we got there, we walked around and looked at all of the booths where they had different exhibits set up. (5) There were men dressed up as blacksmiths, and women showing how to make candles in the old style. (6) All throughout the festival grounds were people dressed up in old costumes singing and playing music from the renaissance period. (7) After a while, we went into a big blue glass building and looked at some reproductions of famous paintings from the Renaissance. (8) We saw some paintings by da Vinci, Botticelli, and Giotto. (9) My grandfather also knows a lot about art so he showed me some interesting things that had to do with the paintings. (10) The best part of this trip was the time I got to spend with my grandfather, doing something that he loved so much. (11) My grandfather was good at showing people that he loved them by doing fun stuff with them, like when he took me to a baseball game.
1. Is sentence 1 an appropriate introductory sentence for this essay?
A: Yes, the author goes on to describe the value of memories.
B: Yes, the author goes on to describe a day spent at the Renaissance Festival with his grandfather.
C: No, this essay is not about a day at the Renaissance Festival.
D: No, this sentence is not coherent.
2. Which of the following words from sentence 1 needs to be changed?
3. What would be a good alteration to sentences 2 and 3?
A: They could be broken up into 3 separate sentences.
B: They could be combined to form a single sentence.
C: They contain numerous spelling errors.
D: They do not make sense.
4. Which of the following would be a better ending for sentence 4?
A: exhibits in which booths had been set up by them.
B: the booths in which they had set up different exhibits.
C: booths in which exhibits by them had been set up.
D: exhibit booths, set up by them, had been set up.
5. Which of the following words should be added to sentence 5?
6. What change needs to be made to sentence 6?
A: The word period needs to be removed.
B: Renaissance needs to be capitalized.
C: The word festival needs to be capitalized.
D: A comma should be placed after costumes.
7. What change needs to be made to sentence 7?
A: There should not be a comma after while.
B: There should be commas after big and blue.
C: The word Renaissance does not need to be capitalized.
D: The sentence is fine as it is written.
8. How might sentence 9 be improved?
A: A lot should be one word.
B: There could be a comma after art.
C: Art should be capitalized.
D: The word interesting is unnecessary.
9. Which word in sentence 10 is unnecessary?
10. What is wrong with sentence 11?
A: The mention of the baseball game does not have anything to do with the rest of the essay.
B: The word well should be used instead of good.
C: The word stuff is too formal for this kind of essay.
D: The word persons should be used instead of people.
1. B. This is an appropriate opening sentence because it introduces the subject of the essay.
2. C. Unless the author is referring to someone he called Grandfather, this word should not be capitalized.
3. B. These sentences could be combined with a comma in between.
4. B. This ending avoids having the prepositional up as the last word.
5. A. The sentence should read women were showing.
6. B. When referring to the historical era, the word Renaissance should always be capitalized.
7. D. The sentence is grammatically correct as it is written.
8. B. A comma after art would make the sentence flow a bit better.
9. D. The sentence would still be coherent without the word that.
10. A. The last clause of this sentence has nothing to do with the rest of the essay.
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